I've been in the airline industry a little over 5 years. These are my experiences, minus specific details. Fellow flight attendants.. enjoy the laughs. Passengers.. take some notes.Ask me anything Submit
During boarding yesterday I was mid cabin checking out the bags in the overhead bins while this little girl about 6 years old and her mother are passing by. A little boy about the same age as her says “Hi” to her and she gives this look and then looks at me and goes “Uhh awkwarddddd.”
What the hell!? What are kids watching on tv these days?! I couldn’t help but laugh.
You’re probably like “What the hell is a birth control flight?” Well I’ll tell you… It’s working flights to/from Orlando, FL. Do you know how many rowdy kids are those damn planes? Too many to count most days, but alas passenger counts are often required. Screaming kids, crying kids, loud kids, all sorts of kids. You name it, they’re on these flights. Annoying kids too. Enough to make you want to never stick your vagina near a penis or sperm for that matter. Ew.
Anyway, we’re in our descent heading back from Orlando and it starts to get really choppy and bumpy. I’m in an aft facing jumpseat with passengers in front of me. The child in the middle seat behind the exit row is SCREAMING his little lungs out. He’s about 3.5-4 years old and adorable as all hell. Between the seat gaps I see his little pale hands squeezing the armrests for dear life. He’s crying “MOMMY I’M SO SCARED MAKE IT STOP! I’M SOOOO SCARED MOMMY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!” His mother and I both are trying our damnedest not to laugh because he was just so darn cute! Just seconds before touching down he screams, “I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEE!!!!” At this point, my laughter(as well as his mother’s) just escapes my chest. I start laughing SO hard, I felt like such a terrible person lol.
We land and she’s calmed him down and I see him sniffling and catching his breath… he turns to her and goes “Wellllll I guess I kind of overreacted!”
Haha this kid was SO damn cute. As they were deplaning I asked him if he was ok now and he said “It wasn’t that bad I just got reallllly scared, but next time I’ll be ok see you later alligator!”
Melted my heart lol. Kids like that make work not so bad :)
Apparently there’s something going around this week when it comes to flying lol. Tuesday a JetBlue pilot goes apeshit and gets tackled… AND US Airways passenger attacks crewmembers… What the hell!? I was flying when all of this was taking place, and I had no idea about them until I reached my overnight.
Now let’s rewind through my second flight on Tuesday. I’m at the boarding door saying “Hello” “Hi good morning” “Welcome” to 150 passengers as they board the aircraft. Subconsciously I’m keeping my eyes out for anything suspicious, or anything that just doesn’t feel right. I’m standing in the forward galley in the center, basically blocking access to the flight deck.
A white, male, mid 20 passenger boards the aircraft. He looks like a shorter more unattractive version of Edward Cullen(Twilight douche). He stops and looks at me and tries to peer around me into the flight deck so I say “Hello how are you today?” Most passengers just smile and nod, or just say “Hi good and you?” and then they keep boarding, but not this guy. He holds up the boarding process to stop and have a full on chat. He says “I’m ok how are you?” I answer assuming he will make his way to his seat, but he doesn’t. He stands there and says “We gonna have a safe flight?” I look at the lead flight attendant who’s expression is like what the hell?!
I said “Well I certainly hope so.” Then he starts to freak out and saying that I’m doubting the safety of the flight, but I diffused the situation and told him the Captain said it’s going to be a smooth flight. He says “Are you sure? No turbulence?!” So I say “According to the Captain, that’s how it sounds. Sir would you please take your seat so we can continue boarding?” He finally makes his way down the aisle, that conversation was a tad peculiar so I took note of where the guy was sitting. He sat down around row 15. I figured at most he was just a nervous flyer, but I wanted to keep an eye on him. We finish boarding, taxi, and then take off.
After we reach our cruising altitude the aft flight attendant and myself are working the cart. I am facing forward in the cabin serving drinks, and the other flight attendant is looking around me. We were at about row 8 or 9, and that guy had gotten up and was fidgeting with his seat, and then he sat back down. At row 11 the flight attendant was looking again, so I turned around to find that guy coming out of the lavatory and instead of making his way back to row 15 he turned around and disappeared behind the galley walls.
I turned around and went straight to the galley and he was standing by one of the doors looking at the wall. I said “Sir I’m going to need you to take your seat please, the fasten seatbelt sign is illuminated, and this area is for crewmembers only. He looks at me with an agitated expression as I wedge myself between him and the doors, forcing him to move into the walk way between lavatories. He still hasn’t said anything, just has this odd look in his eyes, and I’ve begun to feel really uncomfortable about this passenger. I start walking up the aisle, which gives him no place to go but up the aisle too, so I stop at row 15. ”Take your seat sir.” He sits down, and still hasn’t said a word. The other flight attendant is watching attentively. I give her a look like “what the fuck is this guys deal?”
I serve a few more drinks, and then the flight attendant has a startled look in her face, so I turn around but before I can turn myself around there’s a body behind me. He’s standing behind me no more than 4 inches from my backside, and this throws me off guard.
"Sir please take your seat!"
He leans in closer to me and says “DO YOU HAVE ANY TUMS?”
"Oh ok, thanks anyway." Then sits down.
……………………………. This guy was just having bowel issues and shit! I couldn’t believe it. He had me all freaked out over nothing. When I got to his row he asked for a Ginger Ale, and an extra cup of ice. The whole time I’m thinking he’s some kind of potential threat, like he’s dangerous. Turns out he just had an upset stomach. The other flight attendant and I were laughing so hard when we finished the service.
When we finished that trip we found out about the pilot and the passenger that had gone nuts, and we couldn’t help but laugh at our silly passenger on that plane.